1#
Ten years ago, I was the victim of domestic abuse by my daughter’s father during and after pregnancy. I was beaten black and blue, with a busted nose, a cut lip, burnt and left me with a scar on my right arm from a hot nail clipper. Once he threw my cat at me and left me with scars from the claws on my tummy. I was strangled and called lots of names, was emotionally blackmailed and he put me into hospital. I had to lie to cover up the truth. I could not speak up or ask for help. I felt a prisoner at home.
The only time I escaped was when I asked him if I could go to the shop to buy some cigarettes for him. He said, “If you’re not back in one minute, I will come and find you.” A few seconds later, after making sure he was not watching me, I ran as far as I could to the next shop where I had never been before. I finally asked for help. Two police cars and an ambulance arrived. Crying with joy, anger, hurt (inside and out), at 36 weeks pregnant, I thought, “I'm free.” He has damaged me for life.
It has always been at the back of my mind. I was not able to trust anyone and I could not move forward.
Being in that abusive relationship in the past has made me a stronger woman! My daughter has kept me alive and keeps me going. I will not let weakness bring me down.
After nine years with my new partner, I finally have my son in my arms and my daughter has a baby brother. I know nine years is a big gap. I think it is because I was scared and was not ready at all.
To all the women out there who may be in a similar situation with or without children.
Don’t be afraid to speak up and call the police. You can also ask for help from the following agencies:
24 National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0808 2000 247
Women’s Aid are fantastic and have supported me all the way through until we were safe.
2#
I was married for 10 years where my husband never referred to me by my first name. He was not deaf whereas I am. His tone of voice and facial gestures was always accusatory and whatever I did was not good enough for him. My confidence eroded over a period of time. I put up with for 10 years when something happened. I moved out with my children and a year later I was divorced.
Best thing I ever did. Now I have more friends and see my family more, I feel more confident and content now. I think it was the thought of being lonely that prevented me from leaving the relationship but on reflection I was more lonely while I was married than I am now.